Isn’t it strange how hard it is to respond to a compliment? We squirm and deflect and awkwardly shuffle our feet in the face of such overt niceness.
Social anxiety, burnout, and social media facades can cripple our self-esteem, so we don’t know how to genuinely accept a compliment. In this article, we shall discuss the ways to respond to a compliment without sounding unpleasant.
Despite all the research showing positive feedback can keep employees (and all of us) more motivated and help our mental health, our brain still has this nagging habit of shutting down when we are given positive reinforcement.
Table of Contents
How To Accept A Compliment Graciously Without Sounding Unpleasant
1. Say “Thank You.” Nothing Else.
For those who have been struck by impostor syndrome, the phrase “thank you” is almost always followed by the word “but.”
Thank you, but it really wasn’t that big of a deal. Thank you, but I probably could have done better. Thank you, but I think I just got lucky. And on and on and on.
To start the path to recovery, try biting your tongue before you say “but.”
Too many women respond to a compliment by downgrading the very quality for which they’re being praised. That’s not how to accept a compliment!
Someone compliments our shoes and we jump to tell them how old they are as if we couldn’t possibly be up-to-date with the latest trends. Someone congratulates us on a promotion and we immediately counter that the better candidate dropped out of the race.
A better approach? Offering the complimenter an extra tidbit of information that tells a more complete story—sans self-degradation.
So for the shoes, your usual response of “You mean this old pair?” becomes “They were a thoughtful gift from my aunt, and wearing them always makes me think of her.” Likewise, for the promotion, any mention of the competition gets replaced with, “I actually rehearsed for the interview in front of the mirror!”
3. Ask A Question.
This one’s downright practical. When someone gives you kudos, see if you can get them to elaborate a bit; their feedback might be really useful for future endeavors.
For example, when your co-worker says, “I loved your article!” you thank her and then ask what in particular she liked about it. Or when your friend exclaims that she loves the paint color you chose for your living room, see if she has any suggestions for artwork that might pair nicely.
4. Return The Love.
Saying thank you is polite, but also offering some flattery of your own is polite and thoughtful. The point of doing so isn’t to diminish your achievement in any way; rather, it simply serves to start a conversation in which both parties are appreciated and celebrated.
It can be as simple as saying something like, “I was just admiring your outfit as well!” Or my personal favorite: Complimenting the compliment itself. “Thanks for saying my daughter’s a great listener. That’s about the nicest thing you can say to a mom!” Now that’s how to accept a compliment graciously!
As Jessica Valenti once wrote, “Confidence is not just about believing in the good in ourselves, but about believing in the good that others see in us.”
If you constantly feel like you’re not good enough or that you don’t deserve whatever great things have come your way in life, try changing the way you respond to the compliments you undoubtedly receive.
You might just find that when you stop undervaluing yourself, you discover you’re not an impostor at all. Just a genuinely amazing human being.
I hope you find this article helpful.
