Their insecurity is more difficult to spot, because in order to see it, you have to look closer at them and how they behave.
In this article we will talk about some signs of insecurity that are particularly common among people who seem confident but tend to have low self-esteem.
Table of Contents
1. They are particularly loud
This doesn’t mean all loud people are insecure. However, something subtly insecure people tend to have in common is they crave attention, so they are often loud.
Being loud doesn’t only mean to speak loudly. It is also a continuous attempt to become the center of the attention, in every situation. Here are some examples of someone being particularly loud:
- Dancing on a table at a party or any other social gathering (and being the only one doing that);
- Singing loudly, when you’re in a restaurant with a group of friends, because you want to show off your voice;
- Creating unnecessary drama out of nothing;
- Talking too much about your strengths or achievements all the time.
These people’s attention-seeking behaviors often stem from a deep need for validation and for reassurance that they’re worthy.
2. They need to talk about themselves all the time
This goes hand in hand with the previous point.
As mentioned before, subtly insecure people tend to seek validation and approval. And this leads them to talk a lot about themselves — without even realizing it. These are the people who focus almost any conversation on themselves.
For example, if you are talking to them about a recent trip, they will redirect the conversation to themselves and talk about the last trip they took.
Or they will talk about a cousin who traveled around the world.
If you’re talking to them about a small win at work, they will talk about their job and professional achievements.
If you’re telling them your son applied for a scholarship, they will redirect the conversation to their daughter, to tell you how great she is and to let you know she won more than one scholarship — your son is just a beginner.
3. They tend to put others down
One subtle sign of insecurity is someone who often talks badly about others.
There are some people who even do this behind their best friend’s back.
Now, that’s toxic. For example, if they have nine reasons to be grateful to someone, and one reason to criticize them, they focus on the one thing they can judge or attack.
Picture this. You have a neighbor who is your age, you’re not close friends but you have a few things in common, and you hang out sometimes.
One day they ask you if on your way back home you can go to the grocery store and buy them a few things for dinner. They also ask you to go to the pharmacy and buy them a supplement.
You say you’re happy to help and accept to do them the favor. You knock on their door and give them all the things they asked for.
Then, a few days later you find out they went to friend you have in common and complained you didn’t bring them exactly the things they asked for. They even say “you’re not someone they can trust.” If someone puts others down, they usually do it because they need to feel and be seen as superior, confident, and powerful.
Also, as Mary Elizabeth Dean explains, “The need to feel better than others is actually a major cause for people who put others down.”
4. They act as if they know everything
Insecure people usually don’t like to admit they don’t know something. You almost never hear them saying “Oh, really? That’s interesting, I didn’t know that.”
One day I was having a conversation with the wife of a friend of mine, we were talking about food and healthy eating. In her mind, she was an expert of nutrition. I let her talk. At one point, she told me she always bought orange juice for her kids, because “it was good for them,” and she mentioned her favorite brand — which is well-known for its products high in sugar.
I asked her why she didn’t simply buy oranges and make some fresh juice at home. It’s cheaper and much healthier than packaged juice, as it doesn’t have added sugar.
She replied that the juice she buys at the grocery store is basically the same thing and that the fresh homemade juice isn’t healthier than the one she always bought.
She wanted to be right at all costs.
I understood it wasn’t worth it to discuss with her the benefits of non-processed foods, so I ended up being the one saying “Oh, really? That’s interesting, I didn’t know that.”
5. They boast about their achievements all the time
There’s quite a difference between sharing your achievements in a humble way and brag.
When talking about their wins, confident people are modest and brief, they recognize their obstacles, admit they had to work hard for what they achieved, and give credit to others.
Subtly insecure people instead, tend to make it all about themselves. They usually don’t give credit to others, and have to share every single small win with the world.
