I think we can all agree that society has set its standards on what relationships should look like. But in today’s generation, it’s clear we are making our own rules and defining love for ourselves. In this article, we shall discuss no room for social norms in love.
Women are paying on the first date, and men are showing more emotion than ever before. It’s safe to say that we are throwing away traditional relationship standards and creating our own. However, as a young woman trying to figure out her love language, I understand it’s hard to not compare your relationship to society’s social norms. Luckily I have some advice for you.
Well, let us start from the beginning. Let’s say your scrolling on Instagram, and you see a boy you think is cute. You think to yourself, ‘I hope after I like some pictures, he will DM me and shoot his shot. A couple of days go by and nothing. Now, ladies, I am guilty of this myself. You probably just gave up and keep it pushing. But NO, try sliding into his DM’s first! I know that sounds crazy to some of us, but believe me, it might be beneficial in the end. We have to keep in mind that some men are shy and might not feel comfortable approaching us first. Society has taught us that women should never make the first move, and that’s not the case!
If you see something, you want to go after it. There is nothing wrong with letting your feelings be known.
The problem with social norms and their impact on your relationship is that they assume that what is good for your neighbors will be good for you too.
Social norms are conditions and therefore they oppose unconditional love.
If that wasn’t enough, how can it be true that what’s good for everyone can be good for you too?
There are some things that are good for all relationships, such as treating your partner with kindness and respect, honoring your differences and learning the art of communicating the truth infused with the importance of your relationship. Unfortunately, social norms are about conforming to a standard of behavior that ensures that you will be anything but true to yourself.
If You Aren’t Yourself, Then Who Are You?
You and your partner are unique individuals. What makes a relationship long-lasting and strong is that it honors and celebrates the uniqueness of both people in the relationship.
For your relationship to really thrive, it needs you to find win-win solutions to everything that you’re faced with. If it’s not best for both of you then it isn’t best for either of you.
It doesn’t matter what your friends or family do or even what they think. What matters most is that both of your personalities, needs and desires are taken into account for all relationship decisions. If your partner is unhappy, then rest assured that you will be too.
There is no right and wrong in relationships so much as there is ‘what works’. Take the time to find out what works for the two of you. At the end of the day, using unconditional love and treating one another with kindness and respect while being true to yourself will always stand you in good stead.
Social norms dictate things such as if you’re in a committed relationship you should vacation together, you should spend time with in-laws that you can’t stand, you should show up at work functions, you should say the right things in public and you should make an effort to be nice to people that are important to your partner.
Unconditional love dictates that everything is done either out of fear (obligation) or love (desire). It says that the most loving position of all is allowing your partner to just simply be true to him or herself. It says that there is an infinite number of ways to make your relationship work.
Social norms often oppose unconditional love. They say, I will love you if you are not you, because who you really are is unacceptable to me. Unconditional love says, I love and accept myself flaws and all, and therefore I can offer you this same standard of love. I hope you find this article helpful.
