Did you break up mutually and you’re on good terms? Or do you still hold resentment towards each other? Read on to help yourself answer the question, “Should I talk to my ex?”
Table of Contents
1. Did you just break up?
If you and your ex just recently ended things, it is best to take a break for a while. Sure, you need to talk if you intend to move out or get your stuff back. But otherwise, taking time away from each other will help you move on.
Remember the 30 days rule and stick to it. If you talk too soon after a breakup, you won’t get that ending. You don’t get to feel that loss or mourn the relationship. You need some time to not see them or talk to them before considering talking again.
This is a big one. If not talking to your ex messes with your friends, it may be best to swallow any resentment or bitterness and be cordial.
This doesn’t mean you need to text each other or keep up with the latest, but it does mean you will probably need to be okay with sharing small talk with the group. Again, you don’t need to force yourself to do this if it makes you uncomfortable. But if you can put aside the residual relationship problems while you’re with friends, everyone will be better off.
3. Do you work together?
Working together is just as important as sharing friends, if not more so. Neither one of you wants to put your job at risk because you ended your outside relationship. So, don’t.
If you can work together on the most professional level, wonderful. Walking past their desk or bumping into them in the copy room should be a piece of cake. But, if you work closely together or one of you is the other’s superior, you may need to go to human resources to make things easier for both you and anyone else affected.
4. Is this for closure?
If you aren’t considering talking to your ex in the long run, but need to hurdle the end of your relationship, then by all means, do it. The wise thing to do is be upfront about what you want out of that talk.
If you are meeting with your ex, don’t be misleading about it. When making the plan, let them know you need to get closure and talk out anything you may not have before the breakup. You can both be mature and calm about it. It may not seem that way, but you can.
5. Does one of you want to get back together?
If either you or your ex is looking to start things up again, talking may not be the best idea. Sure, you can talk to let them know you’re not interested in that, but try to hold back on deep conversations. These sorts of talks with your ex may seem polite and friendly at first but can get messy very quickly if you are not careful.
6. Do you get along?
You may think that you get along because you dated them for so many months or years but really think about this. Many relationships thrive off of passion rather than friendship or communication. If you don’t get along in the most basic of situations, talking to or texting your ex is not going to go over well. For example, you may have an ex you never talk to. You run into each other once after the breakup. It’s clear you just don’t get one another outside of the walls of a relationship. But, you may have another ex with whom you can bond over tons of topics. You can sit and talk about anything, just as friends. Keep reminding yourself that you do not want to talk to an ex that will make the talking hard for you.
