An authentic person can be defined as someone who is not afraid to be who they truly are, and who doesn’t give too much importance to what others may think of them. They live their life on their own terms.
Contrary to what many believe, authenticity is not an innate trait. What follows are seven traits genuine people usually have in common that you can easily learn to get in touch with your most authentic self and to build meaningful relationships.
Table of Contents
1. Authentic people don’t seek external validation
Most of us are concerned with what others think of us, our actions, and our behaviors. As such, we manipulate or disguise our personality traits to seek approval or to avoid disapproval. This masks our true or authentic self.
As mentioned in an article published in Psychology Today, authentic people don’t look to others for approval. They don’t surrender to the social pressures of what they should or shouldn’t do. The validation they derive from themselves is sufficient for their mental well-being.
As Travis Bradberry mentioned in an article in Forbes:
Authentic people are who they are. They know that some people will like them, and some won’t. And they’re OK with that.
How to apply this, in a nutshell:
Most people focus on themselves, on how they look, and how they’re perceived; they don’t have the time and energy to think much about you.
So, don’t waste too much energy worrying about what others think of you, as most of the time, they’re not actually thinking of you or about you.
Yes, some people may care about your looks or the shoes you are wearing, but should you really care about their opinion?
2. Authentic people tell you the truth, even when it may hurt
Years ago, Diana, who I considered my best friend, tried to pit Luana — another good friend of mine — and me against each other. She told Luana I was talking behind her back and invented stories to destroy our friendship.
Those things she said were clearly invented, yet they were credible.
My friend Luana came to me and told me everything, as she wanted to hear my side of the story too.
I had proof that Diana told me similar things about Luana, so we decided to confront her. In the end, after many years, our friendship with Diana came to an end. Unfortunately, most of us were not raised to be truth-tellers. In fact, we were raised to people-please.
According to an article published in The Greater Good Magazine, we were taught that white lies are totally okay. We were taught to pretend, perform, be nice and avoid uncomfortable situations.
Authentic people, instead, have learned to overcome the limiting belief that they must make others like them.
As a consequence, they have also learned to give up on people-pleasing habits, as they know that people-pleasing is one of the most common forms of self-betrayal. Authentic people have learned to always put honesty first in any kind of relationship, and they are the ones who always tell you the truth, no matter what. Even when it’s highly uncomfortable for them and the person they are talking to.
How to apply this habit, in a nutshell:
Simple. Be honest with yourself and with others. Make it a number-one priority.
3. They are emotionally agile
Authentic people have a healthy relationship with their emotions, and they have control over them. They know their triggers and work on them. If someone communicates aggressively, they always respond assertively. If someone ‘pushes their buttons,’ they take the time to cool off. Most importantly, they have learned to always take the time to observe their own emotions, to accept them, and to work on them.
This allows them to have control over their emotions and actions.
This is also called emotional agility, and it’s the ability to manage your thoughts and feelings effectively.
How to apply this, in a nutshell:
According to an article published in Harvard Business Review, to develop emotional agility, first of all, you have to recognize your patterns of behavior — ask yourself how you react in certain situations and what emotions you feel in those situations.
Once you recognize your emotional patterns, label your thoughts and emotions, accept them and make sure to act on your values — not on your emotions.
4. They apply Kintsukuroi to their life
The translation of the Japanese word Kintsukuroi is “to mend with gold.”
Kintsukuroi — or Kintsugi — as I explained in another article, is the ancient Japanese art of repairing broken pottery using lacquer infused with powdered gold, which has the totally opposite effect of an invisible mend.
Rather than trying to hide the fact that the pottery piece has been broken, the repair of the broken piece using gold produces a result that is more beautiful and stronger than the original, unbroken item.
Authentic people apply this concept to themselves and their life. They accept their true, authentic self and genuinely love it.
They have developed the ability to forgive themselves for their past mistakes and failures and see them as experiences, as events that made them grow.
How to apply this, in a nutshell:
Forgive yourself for your past mistakes and see them as life lessons. Accept your defects and see them as what makes you unique. Accept, embrace and be your most authentic self.
5. They are willing to learn from their mistakes
As they forgive themselves for their past mistakes, as Stephen Joseph Ph.D. mentioned, authentic people also have the habit of learning from their mistakes.
They are open to challenging their view on who they are, and they see past setbacks and failures as opportunities to learn and grow, always.
Learning from your mistakes inevitably makes you a better person because it makes you grow in any area of your life.
I love the way Adam Osborne put this:
The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake — you can’t learn anything from being perfect.
How to apply this, in a nutshell:
Always turn your mistakes into valuable life lessons. Think of the reasons why you don’t want to make those mistakes again, as it will help you avoid repeating them. Most importantly, analyze each mistake and think of all the things you learned from it.
