When someone is a victim of triangulation, it can cause them to experience the same effects as emotional abuse. For example, it can negatively affect your self-esteem and self-worth. It can also create doubts about your relationship and make it toxic.
Triangulation can also make the victim have anxiety, and depression, become codependent, or even have problems in other relationships. And the gaslighting that can usually come with triangulation can lead to feelings of instability or insecurity.
A victim also might start having avoidant behaviors because they feel ganged up on. Because of this, they can also feel humiliated and defensive and want to confront the other two people involved.
As you can see, triangulation usually has a negative impact, not only on the victim but on the relationship as a whole. It creates a messy situation that often leads to hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
Why triangulation is a form of communication manipulation and avoidance
Triangulation isn’t just found in romantic relationships, it’s found in relationships of all types too.
For instance, you complain to your daughter that she isn’t doing her homework, and she then goes to your partner and complains that you always nag her to do her homework.
They basically add your partner into the mix, complicating the communication between the two of you, and avoiding direct action, e.g. actually doing their homework. In this case, triangulation is an avoidance technique or tactic. Triangulation is extremely dysfunctional, and it avoids positive action being achieved. If you have triangulation in your relationship to any amount, you have communication issues, for sure.
That might sound harsh, but it’s the truth. The other side is that most relationships have a mild degree of triangulation within them! If we communicated more effectively, discussed issues when they came up, and were open and honest about our feelings, triangulation would never be an issue.
