Table of Contents
Anyone can be charmed if you do it right.
1. Don’t Underestimate Self-Disclosure
According to an article published on BBC, slowly revealing details about yourself can spark someone’s interest and make them more willing to open up themselves.
In fact, I find that people appreciate you more for your vulnerable side than if you had a perfect persona.
Also, according to a study published by the American Psychological Association, the more someone opens up to you, the closer they feel to you.
And the best way to help someone open up after exposing your vulnerabilities is by asking quality questions and sparking meaningful conversations.
This way, it will be easier for them to be themselves with you, which will make them feel good around you. As explained in the above-mentioned article published on BBC, the golden rule of friendship is this. If you make people feel good about themselves, they’re probably going to like you.
How to apply this habit, in a nutshell
Reveal something about yourself — but don’t overdo it.
Then, show genuine interest in the other person by asking some good open questions; for example, “Last time we met, you told me you were having a hard time at work. Is it going better?”
Then, let them open up.
Why you should apply this habit
According to the above-mentioned study published by the American Psychological Association, it has been proven that self-disclosure plays a central role in the development and maintenance of relationships.
Also, through the same study, it has been found that people who engage in intimate disclosures tend to be liked more than people who disclose at lower levels and that people tend to like others as a result of having disclosed to them.
2. Let Go of Your Instinct to Judge
Lately, I have wondered why there are some people I feel so connected to. When I’m with them, I feel at ease.
Whenever I interact with them, I feel I can be myself without the need to wear a mask because I know they wouldn’t judge me.
The reason I feel this way is I have never heard them talking badly about others. Consequently, I feel the freedom to show the most authentic version of myself with no fear of what they might think. And it makes me feel good.
See, there are too many people out there that would judge you simply for how you are dressed or other trivial stuff. Or that constantly criticize others in front of you — and they do it carefully behind their backs. As a result, you don’t feel comfortable opening up with them.
So when you meet someone who never makes negative remarks, it’s a breath of fresh air.
According to an article published in Psychology Today, we all make very fast judgments about people. It’s completely normal.
However, making an effort to get rid of the instinct to judge allows us to connect with others on a deeper level.
How to apply this habit, in a nutshell
Understand that you don’t always know what’s behind other people’s actions and decisions.
So, always make an effort to empathize with others whenever you’re about to make a fast judgment about them.
Believe that there could be a positive intent behind people’s actions, even if you can’t see it.
Why you should apply this habit
I don’t know about you, but when someone appreciates who I am, without judging my past or current choices, they earn my trust.
Because I feel accepted as a whole, I feel they believe in me despite my imperfections and past mistakes.
I find that when you resist the urge to make fast judgments, you open yourself to the possibility of developing meaningful relationships.
Because, with time, people feel they can be themselves around you, as they feel accepted for who they are.
3. Remember the Importance of Being Fully Present
Imagine you’re talking to someone who seems to be paying attention to every word coming out of your mouth.
They nod and seem interested in what you have to say.
They don’t talk over you, and sometimes they ask questions — which makes you think they’re truly absorbed in the conversation.
You might think, “Wow, this person is genuinely interested in what I’m saying. We’re on the same page!”
Then, you see them glancing at their phone. Or you catch them looking around as if they wanted to see if there’s someone they know.
Now you feel they’re not a hundred percent there with you. What seemed a great conversation at the beginning suddenly turns into a monologue because deep down, you feel they’re not really interested in what you have to say.
The point is this: you can be the best listener in the world, but a slip like quickly checking your phone or breaking eye contact too frequently can make you come across as indifferent or unfocused on the conversation.
Being present is essential for developing rapport with someone.
And it can transform not only our interpersonal relationships but also ourselves, as it trains our brain to stay focused.
How to apply this habit, in a nutshell
Put your phone away — if possible, where you can’t see it, like in your bag or in another room — and focus on the people who are there with you.
As Kare Anderson explains in an article in Harvard Business Review, to make a conversation more meaningful and pleasant, gaze steadily and warmly at the person talking to you, nod from time to time, and reiterate what you heard.
Why you should apply this habit
As Robert J Maurer explains in an article published in Psychology Today, attention is vital in relationships, as it’s one of the human fundamental needs.
