How to Develop Secure Attachment Style In 2023

What’s encouraging to note is that anyone can learn to develop a secure attachment style as an adult.

First, let’s look at the signs of secure attachment.

Signs of Secure Attachment Style

In adult relationships, attachment styles are prominent — even if we don’t realize it. It can be easy to point out all the insecure, avoidant, and fearful avoidant people we encounter. It can also be easy to identify these traits in ourselves.

However, if we want to develop a secure attachment style or partner securely attached people , we need to know how to recognize the signs. Securely attached individuals share many traits.

1. They have healthy, long-term relationships

These are often the people who give us relationship goals.

Secure attachment can help couples stay together, work through their differences, and trust in the relationship through life’s ups and downs.

While becoming securely attached does not guarantee every relationship will be happy, healthy, or long-term, many securely attached individuals are able to cultivate this kind of relationship.

2. They tend to be well-liked by colleagues

The secure attachment can also make people friendly, outgoing, and generally likeable. Because the feel secure, they often tend to be comfortable with themselves and others.

3. They have healthy self-esteem

Attachment issues have a strong correlation with self-worth. Someone with a background of emotional and physical safety feels both loved and worthy of love. Their self-worth and esteem are strong.

4. They have strong social support

Because of their healthy self-esteem, ability to have long-term relationships, and friendliness, they often have many friends and supportive family members.

5. They are confident

The childhood sense of security can translate into adult confidence.

The self-worth reflects outward, and since they’ve had the freedom to be themselves and to explore, they tend to be comfortable with other people’s authenticity as well as their own.

6. They trust others

Securely attached individuals also see themselves and the world around them in a positive light.

They tend to trust that things will work out and can have a balanced perspective and emotional experience when things go wrong.

It may seem like optimism, but for the safely rooted individual, it likely feels more like realism based on their life experience.

7. They are comfortable with physical and emotional intimacy

A securely attached person can share their physical selves but also venture into the vulnerability of sharing their feelings.

They’ve learned that trusted relationships become stronger by sharing, and they do so with the belief that it’s safe to discuss their thoughts and feelings.

They also tend to be good at listening without judgment and holding that same safe space for others.

8. Securely attached people are self-aware

People raised this way normally have a clear sense of what they want and need.

They’re able to look at situations objectively and be accountable for their choices.

They aren’t looking for outside wisdom to make their decisions because they know and trust themselves.

9. They are able to communicate their needs effectively

Because secure individuals were able to get their early childhood needs met, they believe in a world where they can ask for what they want and get it — and often do.

They acknowledge their wants and needs and strongly advocate for themselves.

Securely attached people don’t need maladaptive strategies such as guilt, flattery, or any other manipulation to satisfy their needs.

And they are much more likely to ask without game playing for whatever it is they desire.

10. They are comfortable being alone and can enjoy their own company

People with a secure attachment style are capable of having romantic relationships that are trusting, stable, and allow for space and freedom to be alone and explore individual interests.

When single, these people are happy to spend time alone and cultivate their own interests.

They do not see being alone as a problem in need of a solution because they have self-worth, confidence, and social support to meet their other relational needs while they are capable of meeting other needs themselves.

To have healthy, lasting relationships, we need to develop secure attachment. It’s a skill set that will serve us well at work, home, and in romantic rel