Cheating is a subject all on its own, and the reasons why a person cheats can only really be explained by them. Sometimes the person can’t even explain it to themselves. If the cheating occurred because the cheating partner tried to avoid an issue in the relationship, then it could be classed as triangulation. Rather than discussing the issue and resolving it healthily, they involved a third person as a distraction, or even to hurt the other person, thus putting the relationship at risk.
Not every case of triangulation counts as cheating, but some instances of cheating are a form of triangulation.
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How to cope with triangulation
If you think that you’re a victim of triangulation in your relationship, then you need to learn how to cope and respond effectively. The perpetrator will always be on the lookout for your response, so you can’t do it the wrong way or else they will use it to their advantage.
Remember, the victim is the only one who can stop the triangulation. How they react to the manipulative behavior determines whether the perpetrator will keep doing it or stop.
Here are some strategies that you can use to cope with triangulation.
1. Communicate honestly and openly with them
Letting the perpetrator know that you are on to them can be difficult, so you have to be honest and open. Tell them how their behavior affects you and how you feel about the relationship overall.
You have to tell them that you know what they are up to. Then you have to directly state that they need to stop doing it before it ruins the relationship.
However, before you talk with them, you need to make sure you are in a safe setting. You also need to catch them off guard so they don’t know what you are going to talk about. That way, they won’t be able to prepare a manipulative strategy ahead of time.
2. Seek a healthy support system
If you are experiencing triangulation in your relationship, it is difficult to deal with it by yourself. So, in order to maintain a position of strength, you should seek out resources and people to help you through it.
Try to find someone who has been through triangulation in their relationship, if you can. This will help you cope with your relationship and be prepared if the perpetrator spreads rumors or lies about you. They have a third party in their corner to help them, so that’s why you need the right people on your side to defend you as well. Don’t leave out your side of the story when talking to your supporters.
Just remain calm and avoid playing the same manipulative game as the perpetrator. Don’t sink to their level—take the high road instead.
3. Create the right boundaries
While you might not be able to completely stop or prevent triangulation in your relationship, you can set some firm boundaries to protect yourself.
You need to realize that even if you’re not communicating with the perpetrator, they can still spread lies about you. Even if you want to ignore them, you have to set boundaries so it doesn’t happen again.
