You might have taken a risk in love before and ended up hurt. Being rejected isn’t fun, spending your nights crying and rewinding the situation in your head isn’t a good time. But it’s something many of us will experience. Don’t take it as something negative—it’s life.
Though we must admit, there will always be some who scar you more than others, even some that really traumatize you. It takes longer to get over them, but you WILL get over them. Learning how to unlove someone is not easy, but it’s possible. You simply need to give it time and celebrate every small win along the way.
Table of Contents
- 1 1. Realize it’s actually not about unloving them
- 2 2. Accept it
- 3 3. Cut all contact, no matter how hard it is
- 4 4. Don’t rebound, even if it’s tempting
- 5 5. Give yourself time
- 6 6. Focus on yourself
- 7 8. Don’t only think about the good times
- 8 9. Talk to a professional if you need to
- 9 10. Alone time is good, but don’t overdo it
1. Realize it’s actually not about unloving them
Maybe unloving is the wrong word, but it’s not about not loving them either. If you truly love someone, you will always love them. This is more about accepting the fact that a relationship between you two is not possible right now. We don’t know if you’ll get back together or not, but you can’t wait for them. This is about learning to let go.
2. Accept it
If you want to know how to unlove someone, you need to accept the fact that it isn’t going to happen. The relationship, yeah, it ain’t working out. We know you want to try as hard as you can to keep things together to make someone be with you, but you can’t do that. It fails that way.
Accept the fact that it’s over. It’s hard, but this is something you need to do.
3. Cut all contact, no matter how hard it is
If you want to get over someone, stop contacting them or have them stop contacting you. You need at least a minimum of three months without contact in order to grieve on your own, in private.
Tell them that you need your space and they should respect it. If they don’t respect your space, then they don’t truly love you. Red flag, people!
4. Don’t rebound, even if it’s tempting
Listen, we know this is a popular way to get over someone. But if you have a new partner the next day, you’re not actually allowing yourself time to get over your previous relationship.
How can you grieve someone when you’re already making out with someone else? Learning how to unlove someone doesn’t work like that. You need time on your own to process your emotions.
If you rush into a new relationship, you’re not being honest with yourself or this new person. Don’t rebound because you’re scared to be alone with your thoughts, embrace them.
5. Give yourself time
We know there are equations to help you figure out how long you’re going to be sad after you remove someone from your life. The equations are crap. Listen, your emotions cannot be measured by a math equation. Everyone is different.
Some people may take weeks, some months, and others take years. Does it mean you’re less of a person because it takes you a year to get over someone? There’s no time limit.
6. Focus on yourself
We know, everyone tells you, “focus on you.” Though you nod your head to their advice at the same time, you’re probably like, “What the f*ck does that mean?” We get it. But they’re right.
What they mean is that you need to do things that make you happy. Focus on doing things that provide you joy. Now’s the time to grow into your own person. Remember how much you liked painting? Remember how you loved to ride your bike along the riverside? Do it and do it now.7. Remove them from your social media
This is the hardest thing to do. It might feel like you’re deleting them out of your life, removing them from your memory. Which in a way, is kind of what you’re doing.
But don’t think of it like that, you need to look at it as a need to move on. How can you move on if you cyberstalk them? One of the key steps in unloving someone is not having them on your social media feeds every five minutes.
8. Don’t only think about the good times
We know you’re going to replay the good moments you had with them in your head over and over. Most people can be like a broken record when they’re trying to get over someone.
You might analyze every single thing they ever said, the look in their eyes—all that crap. This is normal and we’re not going to tell you not to do it. If you do it, it’s okay. But you need to remind yourself of how that person really made you feel outside of those beautiful moments.
Keep those memories close to you because the moments you had with that person weren’t always happy. Remove those rose-tinted spectacles and see things for how they actually were.
9. Talk to a professional if you need to
We’re not saying this because your friends and family aren’t going to give you the help you need. They will, of course, but they’re probably tired of listening to the story too. No offense. You’ve probably told the same story so many times that they simply repeat the same advice to you by now. That’s not going to help you if the original advice wasn’t that great, to begin with.
Basically, they won’t always be able to give you the help you need. Talking to a therapist is a great way to help process things in your mind. Plus, they can give you the bird’s eye view that you need.
10. Alone time is good, but don’t overdo it
It’s good to be alone when you’re dealing with your emotions. You need that personal time to yourself so we’re pro-alone time. However, if you’re no longer seeing your friends then this is when it becomes a problem.
You need to make sure you dedicate a certain amount of time a week to seeing your support group, AKA, your friends and family. They’ll help you laugh and put you in good spirits.
