Breakups hurt and can be quite messy to deal with afterward. You’ll question yourself and doubt abilities, and on top of these, you still have to act strong like you didn’t just get your heart and hopes shattered. Things can get even worse when it’s as though the other party has moved on. It is majorly why we’ve decided to create this post on what to do after a breakup.
Because your life doesn’t have to end afterward. The milk is spilled already, and you’ve blamed yourself and cried enough.
It’s now time to move on, to find the strength, pick up the pieces, learn the lessons, and come out stronger than before.
The hurt and heaviness of the heart don’t have to fester for long. It is why we’ve created these after-breakup rules that, when applied diligently, will help you move on faster.
There are also tips on how to easily forgive the people who hurt you so that you can hedge against future hurts.
What to do after a breakup
#1. Admit how you feel
The time after a breakup isn’t when you start to form strength or act like you didn’t get hurt.
Breakups are messy, and admitting hurt, anger, and disappointment isn’t a sign of weakness.
You’re a human being, and you’re allowed to act whatever way you feel after a breakup.
It’s expected that you’ll feel like you’ve wasted your time and resources, invested a lot in the dreams of another, shared your body and heart, integrated them into your life and daily routine; and on top of all these, you now have to try and fix your broken heart by yourself.
However, admission of hurt is a type of strength, and even if it takes weeks of constantly expressing this hurt, feel free to do so.
Plus, admitting your feelings is the first step in the direction of getting needed help. It means that you recognize that something is off and needs to be looked into.
For instance, if you feel lonely, bored, or less interested in the normal activities you’d heartily do before, it could be a sign that you need to get out of your personal space more and try to interact with other people.
If you’re feeling depressed, picking up new addictions, feeling like hurting yourself, or finding yourself shying away from physical intimacy, it might be time to talk to other people that can get you needed help.
You’re not needy or weak for admitting your feelings and asking for help. It is usually a pointer that you gave the relationship your best, which is both important and rare these days.
#2. Block and establish boundaries
This is an out-of-sight, out-of-mind kind of situation, and it works.
Don’t fall into the trap of allowing the ex to remain in your personal space. It’s enough that they still occupy your mind. However, allowing them to continue to have a presence in your physical space is not wise, doesn’t prove that you’re strong, and is just a plain stupid move!
How are you supposed to be over the hurt in a few days or weeks? Who are you trying to prove your strength to?
Block them on social media, so you don’t feel the need to reminisce over ‘spilled milk’ or to stalk them to see what they’re up to and if they feel as horrible as you do. Right now, your focus should be on prioritizing yourself and getting your heart back in order.
When necessary, also establish physical boundaries. If it’ll take you avoiding attending mutual social gatherings for a while, feel free. If you need to tell mutual friends to quit talking about how good the both of you were together, inform them.
Ask your ex not to contact you, and you, in turn, should squelch the need to reach out. You need to go about separating your lives completely. Maybe in the future, when the feelings have settled, you can try having decent enough conversations.
Setting clear boundaries will certainly help to make the breakup easier for you, as the focus is now on you, and you need time and space to heal.
#3. Spend more time with your family and friends
Be unashamed to spend time with your family and friends this period. You’re not only supposed to have each other’s backs when the going is good. When one of you gets hurt, it’s time for the others to rally around and do all they can to reaffirm and restore that person.
The people who truly love you will not think of you as a bother when you reach out. They wouldn’t wash your linen in public, and they’ll offer you comfort, safety, and cover as often as you need it.
Get over the embarrassment of looking stupid or appearing vulnerable and reach out to your tribe. In a few months, the breakup incident will be something you all can laugh about and bond over with.
However, if you’re without family and friends that can readily help, see this time as the perfect opportunity to get to know yourself.
Take yourself out on dates; spoil yourself with gifts; be intentional about how you look; pamper yourself; dare to dream again; be patient, forgiving, and kind to yourself.
Life has happened, as it always will, and the best you can do is learn from every situation it throws at you and believe that you’ll come out okay.
Check out: What Do Men Think About the Women They Like
How to easily forgive the people who hurt you
#1. Realize that we are all humans
First of all, this is no justification for all you’ve had to endure as a result of other people’s actions. The fact that we’re all humans doesn’t make it okay for people to act carelessly and hurt others in the process. However, paying attention to this fact can help you get over hurts easily.
We’re all at different levels of maturity and sensitivity in our lives. Not everyone you’re in a relationship with will know how to communicate when there’s a problem; not everyone will feel the need to fight for the relationship; of course, not everyone will remember privacy and the dangers of third parties in relationships; not everyone will be disciplined about their dealings with the opposite sex.
It is just life and where they currently are in it. They truly may not have meant to hurt you as they did.
This fact that we’re all humans also extends to you.
You’re not perfect, and you’re still a work in progress as much as the other party. You might want to ask yourself difficult questions while remembering to be patient and kind to yourself. Always remember that Your journey is in continuity, the same as for the other party.
And, really, if you’re not together with some people, you might want to consider that it’s because you deserve better in your relationships.
#2. See the hidden meanings
When someone hurts you, your first reaction isn’t towards forgiveness. You’re feeling hurt, even angry at yourself, and you just want to hit them back where it’ll hurt them as much as you’re hurting.
At that moment, you can’t see past how they were insensitive and inconsiderate in how their actions would affect you. It’s like having your heart ripped out without a thought to the time and resources invested and the consequences you’d have to deal with.
However, choosing to see the hidden meanings in any situation life throws at you can help you heal faster and forgive the people who hurt you.
Beyond the hurt, you’re looking to see what went wrong; what part did you play in it; did both parties try to sort out the issues earlier; was one party the one always willing to solve problems; what can I learn from this for my next relationships; what did the other party constantly complain a lot of about me; also what are my current deal-breakers; am I the more submissive one; what are the signs that’ll show me a person is serious about me; etc.
You’re choosing to look within. This way, it’s easier to see where the cracks were and how the actions of you both are justified in choosing to move on without one another.
You can also see it as a way of starting afresh with someone new, without faulty foundations as an issue.
#3. Believe that your magic isn’t over
Choose to focus your mind on the future and believe enough that your tribe is still out there. When they find you, it’ll be a forever kind of connection, and there’ll always be a willingness to hold on to you no matter what.
When the door of a relationship closes, best believe that there are others opening right up to accommodate you and more special people.
This relationship may have ended, but your personal magic isn’t over. You’re a strong person who’s actively finding ways to become better.
You’re still an incredible person, and there are tons of people who would give anything to have a relationship with you.
With future-oriented thoughts like these, it’s easier to gradually start letting go of the hurt and to start forgiving the people who perpetrated this hurt.
Breakups are messy and sometimes inevitable. There’s grief, confusion, and heartbreak to deal with afterward.
However, it’s not the end of life, and you have to be conscious about healing, guarding your space, and remembering that you’ll be fine in the end.
I believe you now know what to do after a breakup.