Dear Love author,
Dating isn’t all that easy, you’ve gat to know how to navigate around it.
In “How to Win a Man,” an essay published in 1903, Cosmopolitan magazine told its readers, “The clever girl does not scintillate with brilliant speeches, overshadowing those around her and making them uncomfortable by comparison.” In a 1958 article titled “129 Ways to Get a Husband,” McCall’s, a now-defunct women’s magazine, advised women to have their “car break down at strategic places” and “read the obituaries to find eligible widowers.” In the 2001 best seller “The Art of Seduction,” the author Robert Greene recommended that those seeking a romantic partner should “use the demonic power of words to sow confusion.”
In one video, Ms. Kai talked about an ex (“let’s call him Chad”) who worked in finance and spoke in dreamy aphorisms such as, “Life isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being real.” He also drank a nightly bottle of Malbec and smoked cigarettes, because, deep down, he hated his life, Ms. Kai continued. While painting lash glue onto the roots of her false eyelashes, she explained that she “wasn’t dating the reality of Chad” but a “fantasy of Chad.” In the end, one of his sayings stuck with her: “Life really isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being real — with yourself,” Ms. Kai said, before slamming a tube of liquid lipstick down on the table and walking off-camera.
For more modern and less demonic relationship advice, we asked some of today’s most prominent dating advisers about strategies for finding love in 2023. “It can be confusing to know the right way to make contact and get the conversation started,” To make the most of your time online, follow these 5 online dating tips:
1) Send short and impactful messages.
Spending hours drafting long messages can really zap your energy and motivation. You’re better off keeping your messages short, sweet, and personalized. Three or four lines is plenty, provided you mention something that shows you are interested in more than just a pretty face.
Scan your matches’ profiles—don’t analyze them. Focus on the pieces that will make great conversation topics. Also, pay close attention to those deal breakers. Once you’ve started messaging, spend more time reading and evaluating his or her profile.
3) Improve your wink game.
When you wink, your match will probably check you out to learn more. Make the most of your flirty introduction by sending a message shortly after winking to maximize your chances of receiving a response.
If you’re going on several dates a week, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Avoid burn out by giving yourself some breaks. For every few dates you schedule, give yourself enough time to learn about each person before planning more dates.
5) Get to the meeting.
The purpose of online dating is to meet people in the real world. Once you’ve exchanged enough messages to get a feel for your favorite match, encourage a real date. Save your in depth conversations for your first date.