My Fiance’s Mother Is Incapacitated And Lives With Us, I Can’t

Dear Love Doctor,


My marriage is coming up soon but there’s something bothering me.


My fiance wants his Mum to live with us, although she has been staying with him before I came into the picture.

His mother in question is a huge workload, she can’t take care of herself like washing her clothes, flushing her excrete if the water isn’t running, heating up an already cooked meal if no one is at home.

In most cases, she’ll purge and mess up herself before she gets to the toilet.

I advised my guy to take her to his sister’s house because it is the daughters’ responsibility to look after their sick, aged mother which he did but she won’t stop complaining about the woman stressing her.


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Now, he said he’ll bear the burden of taking care of her even though he complains endlessly of the stress. He expects me to carry the burden when we get married.

Maybe I’m exaggerating, but I’m really seeing this as a big problem. I don’t see how I’m supposed to cope with such.

He has pleaded that I allow her to stay with us after our marriage and that he’ll be helpful.

I hate to turn him down and he’s really nice but I don’t know what to do.

My parents have warned against it.


His father is alive and living in the same city as them, I’ve suggested that he send her back to her husband and hire a caregiver for her but he refused that his father is too stubborn and would end up sending the woman to her early grave.

I wouldn’t want him to see it as though I don’t want his mother around but the responsibility is too heavy.

I can’t imagine myself in that position, least of all as a newly married woman.

Whenever I wish to withdraw from marriage, he’ll plead that his Mom suffered for them and that I shouldn’t do that to him.


I sincerely don’t mind living with the woman, but taking care of her is not a day’s job.

I am a last-born child, i don’t even have the faintest idea of how to go about it.


Please, what should I do?

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