A love hate relationship is sometimes confusing to people who aren’t in the relationship. It puzzles me how two persons who publicly displayed affection a while ago are seriously fighting themselves in the next minute.
This type of relationship is like two sides of the same coin. One side is wild, thrilling, and full of passion. And the other side is full of stress, sadness, and rancour.
There’s an equal moment of rage and anger for every beautiful and romantic moment in this complicated relationship.
This relationship concept reminded me of our neighbor when I was younger. These couples were mysterious. And nobody seemed to understand their lifestyle or pattern of love.
Somedays, you will see these strange couples in a very romantic mood. They displayed their affection publicly and sometimes behaved like little children around the yard. And sometimes, you may be tempted to wish for their kind of marriage.
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But there were days when they will fight throughout the day—throwing stones and bottles at themselves. And you will pray to God fervently never to give you such a marriage.
There is nothing extraordinary about these couples, just that they find themselves in a love hate relationship.
Surprisingly, some partners love this type of relationship because it’s full of vigor and activities. There’s never a dull moment with your partner. If there’s no love or romance in the atmosphere, there will be fights and arguments.
Don’t deceive yourself; this kind of relationship is only remarkable in movies. And let it remains in your imagination. Trust me; if you experience it in real life, you will become a shadow of yourself.
It could affect every aspect of your life and make you less productive. You may even lose your sanity in a love hate relationship.
Table of Contents
- 1 Love Hate Relationship Meaning
- 2 Two Kinds of Love Hate Relationship
- 3 11 Reasons For Love Hate Relationship
- 3.1 #1. When You and Your Partner’s Personalities Aren’t Compatible
- 3.2 #2. Egos
- 3.3 #3. Jealousy and Insecurities
- 3.4 #4. Lack of Compromise
- 3.5 #5. Wandering Eyes
- 3.6 #6. Different Expectations
- 3.7 #7. Years of Accumulated Anger and Frustrations
- 3.8 #8. Unwillingness to Change
- 3.9 #9. Controlling Lovers
- 3.10 #10. Cheating
- 3.11 #11. Lack of Communication
- 4 What are the Signs That You are in a Love Hate Relationship?
- 5 How to Fix a Love Hate Relationship
Love Hate Relationship Meaning
Before I explain this relationship concept, let me quickly clarify something. No relationship is 100% perfect. There will always be moments of disagreements that you can resolve over time.
However, when there’s always a serious conflict in your relationship due to incompatible personalities, you guys are in a love hate relationship. And when you don’t recognize it early, it could bring out the worst in you and your partner.
In a nutshell, any relationship in which the stress, heartwrenching, anger, and frustration are more than the love and happiness is a love hate relationship.
Again, that you are in this kind of relationship doesn’t mean that you and your partner are bad. You may even love yourself so passionately. But the relationship will always bring out your worst because of incompatible personalities.
For instance, if your partner always gets you angry. But when you get over it, you will realize how much you love them. It’s an indication that you are in a love hate relationship.
Two Kinds of Love Hate Relationship
Generally, you are likely to experience two kinds of love hate relationship in your life. And none of them is good.
You Hate the Lover But Love the Relationship
This kind of relationship is prevalent and unhealthy. You want to be in a relationship, but you don’t have a single feeling for your partner. In fact, you so much dislike your partner. You are still in the relationship to keep up.
Ordinarily, you would have left the relationship, but you are scared that you won’t find someone else. But you continue to stay in a boring relationship.
You Love the Lover But Hate the Relationship
You are deeply in love with your partner and always want to spend time with him/her. But you guys don’t have anything in common. Every moment you spend together is full of conflicts, disagreement, etc.
11 Reasons For Love Hate Relationship
Nobody is immune to a love and hate relationship. You can find yourself in this type of connection, even if you are a cool-headed person. Here are 11 reasons love hate relationship exists;
#1. When You and Your Partner’s Personalities Aren’t Compatible
One of the reasons why people find themselves in a stressful relationship is incompatible personalities. When your values and approach to life are different from that of your partner, you are likely to face challenges in the relationship.
Yes, you guys may love each other. And you may even care about each other and don’t want to leave each other arms. But once you spend a short time together, there will always be a fight, arguments.
Well, being in a relationship with someone whose personality isn’t compatible with yours won’t work. Contrary to popular belief, love isn’t enough to sustain any relationship. Personalities must align; otherwise, you will continue to wallow in a love hate relationship.
Have you ever asked yourself why most celebrity marriages don’t last? I mean, have you imagined why most superstars can’t marry themselves? Well, the answer is simple; it’s ego.
Ego is a simple three-letter word that can destroy a twelve letter word called ‘relationship.’ No matter how beautiful a relationship seems, once ego sets in, it could ruin it within a short while.
No matter how long it takes you to groom your relationship, it will immediately set up for doom if you allow your ego to come in.
#3. Jealousy and Insecurities
Jealousy and insecurities are cankerworms that eat the flesh of every happy relationship. Of course, we are humans and tend to be protective of the things we care about. But don’t allow jealousy to consume the better part of you. It’s not healthy for your relationship. Uncontrolled jealousy and insecurities in your relationship could turn your romantic and fairytale love into bitter hatred.
#4. Lack of Compromise
Do your research on some of the most successful relationships or marriages out there. You will notice that they all have one thing in common – compromise. For any romantic relationship to be smooth and healthy, both partners must be willing to compromise for each other.
Trust me, if you are not flexible and always want things to go your way, you will always have serious arguments and fights with your partner. And this could turn your lovely union into a love hate relationship.
#5. Wandering Eyes
Guys are always guilty of this, and it could cause bitter hatred in any relationship. Trust me; no woman will tolerate her man staring flirtatiously at other women while she’s with him. It could result in a serious fight immediately.
So guys, try always to comport yourself whenever you are with your woman. Stop staring amorously at other ladies. How would you feel if your lady stares flirtatiously at a handsome, tall man with six-packs bisects while you guys are together? You will feel bad, right?
Well, that’s exactly the way your woman feels if you stare at other ladies. Try to control your ogling eyes; it could be responsible for the continuous crisis in your love life.
#6. Different Expectations
Different expectations could easily plunge your love affair into a love hate relationship. And this happens when and your partners have unrealistic expectations from each other. So, except you accept the reality out there that there’s no perfect partner out there, your relationship may linger for a while.
#7. Years of Accumulated Anger and Frustrations
Honestly, a relationship crisis doesn’t start overnight. Years of suppressed anger and frustrations could trigger bitter hatred in your love life.
#8. Unwillingness to Change
Like I mentioned earlier, building a healthy relationship is all about sacrifices. It’s not easy to give up a lot of things, but it worth it.
Once you notice something, your partner complains of too much and makes an effort to change. Otherwise, it would keep triggering crises in your relationship.
#9. Controlling Lovers
Your intentions may be sincere, but the approach is wrong. Most people don’t like being with someone who always wants to lord over them. If you are in a relationship with such a partner, it won’t work. There will always be episodes of arguments, fights, sadness, etc.
You can’t eat your cake and have it. It’s not possible to be cheating on your partner and expect a healthy relationship with them. Once your partner has the slightest idea that you are cheating on them, it will trigger a love hate relationship.
#11. Lack of Communication
Communication is essential in every relationship. And when you or your partner fails to express how you feel about a particular issue, insecurity may come in. And it won’t take long before you guys start experiencing a crisis in your relationship.
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What are the Signs That You are in a Love Hate Relationship?
Now that you have read this far, you may be wondering if you are in a love hate relationship. Well, don’t assume; here are some signs to know if your relationship has turned to bitter hatred;
#1. You Love Somethings About Him, and Total Dislike Other things
One of the signs that you are in a love hate relationship is when you love certain things about your man. For instance, you love the fact that he’s a goal-getter, has a good job, he gives you attention, etc. Even though he makes you cry most times, the few times he makes laugh are special.
However, you seriously dislike or rather hate somethings about him. He’s dirty, lazy with house chores, and spends most of his time on social media. Of course, he’s a nice guy, but some of his behaviours are repugnant.
#2. There’s always Intense Emotions in the relationship
Ordinarily, every relationship comes with waves of emotions. That’s what keeps it going. However, this relationship comes with a mix of different emotions.
There will be days when you guys will be like the reincarnation of Romeo and Juliet. You will wish the moment you spend with him keeps playing until the rest of your life. But other days, you guys fight, yell, and sometimes throw things at each other.
Whenever there’s no emotional middle ground in your relationship, you don’t need a soothsayer to know that you are in a love hate relationship.
#3. Constant Breakup and Makeup Circle
In a love hate relationship, there’s always a wave of arguments, fights, and sadness. At a time, you may even call the relationship a quit. I mean, you told your partner that you are done. Yet, in a few hours, you guys are back in each other arms.
#4. The Relationship Lack True Purpose
When your relationship lacks true purpose, it’s a sign that you are in a love hate relationship. If you think you don’t have a future with your partner, it’s better to call the relationship a quit rather than allowing it to degenerate into a bitter hatred.
How to Fix a Love Hate Relationship
Depending on the circumstances surrounding your love affairs or marriage, you may be able to fix a love hate relationship; here’s how;
#1. Check If The Feelings are Mutual
Sometimes, the feelings and love in a love hate relationship aren’t mutual. Therefore, before you make an effort to fix the relationship, try to see if the feeling is mutual. Discuss with your partner, let them know how you feel, and see if the feelings are mutual. If they are, come up with ways to set aside your differences and make your relationship healthy again.
#2. Be Open to Real Communication
Once you identify the issues with your relationship, the next step is to have real communication. Try as much as possible to be objective, and see if things can work out between guys. And if you are unable to reach a consensus, it’s advisable to call the relationship is quit.
#3. Check if you and Your Partners are Willing to Work on Things
Having real communication is one thing; willingness to work on things discussed is another thing. You will continue to be stuck in a love hate relationship, except you and your partner are willing to make the relationship work.
#4. Don’t Play the Blame Game
If you are trying to fix the crisis in your relationship, avoid playing the blame game. Both of you are responsible for the crisis, so don’t try to shift the blame to your partner. Instead, identify ways to bring back the juice and sweetness in your relationship.
Always remember that any relationship can work no matter how bad things are. But both partners must be willing to make it work.
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