Since every relationship moves at its own pace, using benchmarks is a logical way to determine when to move in together.
To that end, let’s start with the co-habitation red flags
Table of Contents
- 0.1 1. You Avoid Discussing Money
- 0.2 2. You’re Navigating Major Life Changes
- 0.3 3. You’re in the Early Stages of Recovery
- 0.4 4. You and Your Partner Constantly Argue
- 0.5 5. You Have Yet To Play House
- 0.6 7. You’re Being Pressured
- 0.7 8. You’re Not In Love
- 0.8 9. You Hate Each Other’s Friends
- 0.9 10. Your Life Goals Are Completely Different
- 0.10 11. Your Eating Habits Are Diametrically Opposed
- 0.11 12. You Still Pretend To Be Perfect
- 0.12 13. Lack of Trust Is Motivating Your Decision
- 0.13 14. You Don’t Know How To Compromise
- 0.14 15. Your Gut Says “No”
1. You Avoid Discussing Money
If you’re not at a point where you’re comfortable discussing and mingling finances, the relationship is likely not yet strong enough to survive cohabitation. You’ll be sharing bills and need to trust each other monetarily.
Life is like a white-water rafting trip. Sometimes, it’s calm, smooth floating; other times, you’re battling raging rapids.
And when you’re navigating a rough patch, it’s usually best not to make significant changes. Wait until you once again reach serene waters to change your living arrangements.
3. You’re in the Early Stages of Recovery
Congrats! You’re clean and sober and feeling great. But you shouldn’t be making huge commitments during your first two years of sobriety — regardless of what plan you’re following. Give yourself time to get to know the new you.
4. You and Your Partner Constantly Argue
If you constantly argue while living apart, moving in together will be a zillion times worse. Sometimes we end up dating people who are ultimately wrong for us, and frequent fighting is not an encouraging sign.
5. You Have Yet To Play House
It’s a good idea to “play house” before officially moving in together. Spend a month at one of your places. How does it go?
Are you itching to have your own space after three days? A trial run will give you a clear idea of the relationship’s health.
Times are tough, and cutting expenses in half may sound like a good idea. But think thrice before making this leap for this reason.
If it doesn’t work out, you could be stuck between a rock and a hard place, owing more money than you would have.
7. You’re Being Pressured
It’s your life. Don’t let peer pressure — or any type of pressure — back you into a cohabitation corner. If you enjoy having your own place, keep it! Take Virginia Wolfe’s advice and maintain “a room of one’s own.”
8. You’re Not In Love
Are you in love or settling because everyone around you is pairing off, moving in, and getting married? It can be frustrating.
It may feel like you’re being left behind. But remember that each life unravels differently. It’s better to be true to yourself than keep up with the proverbial Joneses.
9. You Hate Each Other’s Friends
There must be a sense of camaraderie — not with just each other, but with each other’s friends.
That doesn’t mean you have to love every single person he hangs with, but you shouldn’t hate when he has the gang over either. And the same goes for your crew.
10. Your Life Goals Are Completely Different
You want to live off-grid and grow your own food. He wants to be a Wall Street tycoon who aspires to one-day have a butler. How you ended up together, nobody knows.
For a while, it’s fun. It’s your “opposites attract” phase.
But in the long run, relationships like this rarely stand the test of time. If you’re too different, living together will likely sour quickly.
11. Your Eating Habits Are Diametrically Opposed
You’re a committed kosher vegan; the only two food groups he consumes are milk and dairy.
This is another scenario with terrible odds. It’s challenging to live with someone whose lifestyle is diametrically opposed to your own. And when cohabitating, food becomes a huge deal.
12. You Still Pretend To Be Perfect
Learning to acknowledge your faults is a big part of growing up. If you’re still at a point where you blame others for your misdeeds — or project your insecurities onto friends and family — you’re probably not ready to cohabitate with a lover.
13. Lack of Trust Is Motivating Your Decision
It’s a cliche, but it’s true: changing a zebra’s stripes is impossible. If you’re dating a dog, you can’t force him to be faithful.
So if the only reason you’re moving in with him is to keep him from cheating, prepare to have your heart crushed.
14. You Don’t Know How To Compromise
Be honest: Are you a princess? Do you freak out if things don’t go your way? Is your partner willing to accommodate your every whim? If not, maybe you’re not yet ready to move in with someone.
15. Your Gut Says “No”
Sometimes, your gut knows you better than your brain. If it’s telling you to slow down and hold off, listen.
There’s a reason you’re not enthusiastic. Figure that out before advancing the relationship.