Does your wife have a Jennifer in her ear? If so, she might be stripping away your wife’s self-confidence, joy, and overall sense of worth. Some of the things she’s being told may even become criticisms of you. You need to know what the inner critic is telling your wife so you can affirm your wife with the truth. Here are 3 things your wife’s inner critic is telling her.
1. “You’re not enough.”
This can have many different meanings. She’s not pretty enough. She doesn’t have enough good qualities to be valuable, get the job done, or perhaps even be worthy of love and belonging. I’ve found this one to be common among women. Probably because their most central question is, “Am I lovable?” And “no” can be easier to believe than “yes” is. Let her know that she’s enough and that she is lovable.
2. “You’re a failure.”
If women ever fall short, their inner critics easily can change spin it from a failed attempt to a judgment about them as a person. It goes from “you failed” to “you’re a failure.” The critic defines them based on their failures. Now moving forward, your wife will be reminded whenever she attempts something that it won’t work out because she’s a failure. That’s just who she is, her inner critic says—a failure. She fails at work, as a wife, and as a mom. Remind her of her great qualities and that one or even multiple failures do not define her.
3. “You’re too much.”
One of the things my wife’s inner critic used to tell her is that she’s too emotional to get married. No man can handle it. But I love her emotion. I’ve never had a problem with it. Having three sisters, it’s really not that hard for me to navigate. That’s just one way our wives’ inner critics can tell them they’re too much. This is a clear attack on their identity and how they’re made. There are definitely people with strong personalities or people who need to reign it in from time to time. I’m one of those. But if our wives’ inner critics tell them there is something wrong with the way they’re made, it’s a lie.