No one likes to imagine that their marriage will come to an end prematurely. You don’t go into a marriage planning not to make things work in the long run. However, reality is reality. In case you’re wondering what the signs are or you need further proof, this article will address how to know when your marriage is over.
This is so that you can prepare your heart for the hurt ahead, and put your ‘house in order.’ You need to start planning on how to sort out the children if there are any, the extended family members to sever ties, finances, and other factors that should go into consideration.
It’ll hurt for some time, and things will be awkward and complicated for a while. But maybe some unions are not just meant to last forever. It wouldn’t be because both parties are bad people who are undeserving of love. And It’ll just be life, and its dynamics playing out.
If you’re noticing these signs, it could be indications that your marriage is at an end:
How to Know When Your Marriage is Over
#1. You don’t mind if your partner cheats
This is one of the tips on how to know when your marriage is over.
if the fact that your spouse is cheating doesn’t bother you, something has to be said about your union. Because no seriously married person ever wants to know that they aren’t the only ones in their partner’s lives, beds, and hearts.
Cheating here covers every aspect of your lives together. A partner who is physically cheating on you obviously has their emotions, finances, time, and attention invested in other people.
When you see the signs of cheating, and you’re unbothered, you don’t care to have a conversation about it, and you also resort to cheating yourself, then it’s most likely time to pack up and leave.
Monogamy and faithfulness are often the hallmarks for judging a good spouse and a solid union. If you see that these signs are missing, then a huge part of your lives together is missing.
#2. You can’t see your partner in your future anymore
If you think back to your early days of marriage, you’ll see how you were so excited about your partner that you included them in future plans. You wanted them at your family gatherings; you didn’t mind compromising on the time to have kids, and you could see yourself moving countries so that they’d be in your life, and you could adjust career plans to be with them.
However, if this is no longer the case for you again, then it’s one of the clues on how to know when your marriage is over . Once you start to put yourself first, and you give up we’s for the I’s, then you’ve mentally checked out of the union.
At this point, you don’t care whether the goals you’re creating will affect your partner emotionally or otherwise. You don’t care to communicate with them about the plans you’ve made, you just inform them of your plans when it’s convenient for you. You don’t even consult them with your ideas and prospects in the first place anymore. It’s just you and the plans that make you happy.
Read Also: What to do After a Breakup
#3. There’s no more compromise
A lot in marriage is based on giving and take and constant compromise. A usual trait to a marriage that’s on the brink of failing is that these factors will be missing.
When there is no compromise, you stop prioritizing your partner’s needs; you refuse to show up for them emotionally and otherwise; you’ll choose to always be right than kind; there’ll be zero overlaps in interests and agreements.
Compromise doesn’t mean interest in everything your partner is involved in. It doesn’t even mean you have to fully understand. It just involves supporting your partner, cheering for them, and offering help when they need it. And It is finding a middle ground that doesn’t leave you both unhappy, unsatisfied, and frustrated.
#4. There’s no more intimacy
Although sex isn’t all you’ll do in a marriage, it can be an important yardstick for judging where you both are in your relationship. Proof of this is how you both couldn’t get your hands off each other or have enough of yourselves in the early days of your marriage.
If you’re now comfortable with staying off sex for months, this is a sign that something’s wrong. The same thing applies if you find out that you’re no longer sexually attracted to your spouse and don’t mind if they’re getting intimate with other people.
Sex is a huge factor in building intimacy and healthy marriage. Without intimacy, the likelihood of your marriage lasting for long is low.
There’s also the part where, beyond bonding, sex makes it easier for you both to communicate and thrash out your issues as gently and intelligently as possible.
#5. You’re no longer communicating
Most times, a huge part of the reason people decide to get married is that they can see their partners as their friends. They see the other person as someone they can easily tell any and everything without fear of judgment. At the end of the day, this person is your tribe, and you can rely on them with your secrets and fears.
However, if you both aren’t communicating as much anymore, then it is an indication of a problem. If you find yourself wanting to spend time without your spouse or you’re making excuses not to be with them, then something is truly wrong.
The lack of communication opens you both up to so many issues, and without a united and persistent font, you can’t solve these problems.
If you’re not talking or there’s an unwillingness to communicate by either of you, then you can’t know what’s bothering you both. And, really, what’s the point of staying together at this point if there’s no communication? What makes you both different from strangers or housemates?
Now you know how to know when your marriage is over.
Check out: Can a Sexless Marriage Survive?
3 tips to prevent your marriage from failing
#1. Get a third-party involved
Getting external help isn’t the problem. The fix is in getting the right people that are skilled in providing solutions.
When you have issues with your partner, it isn’t the time to be talking to your friends who may have biased opinions about your spouse. It’s neither the time to be talking to your parents who may at best, get overly emotional and dramatic.
There are therapists who are trained for marriages, and it’s them you should be speaking to about the troubles you’re facing.
If you both are religious, it could also help to speak with a trusted religious leader. Their counseling will pay attention to your faith while finding solutions.
These people know how to prod to see the root of your marital issues, and the faster you can identify what the problem is, the faster both parties can find solutions.
#2. Relive your dating days
When you constantly remember why you both chose each other and how great it’s been between you two, the tendency to want to keep the marriage will be high.
If you chose your partner, it is because you saw durable qualities for both the good and bad days. It is a war out there, and no one would readily opt for someone else when they’re aware of the blessing they have at home.
Reliving your dating days will help you keep the spark and flames in your marriage burning. It’ll also soften you both for when you have to have difficult conversations.
Intimacy in marriage isn’t only built by having sex. Softening each other up will help you both feel prioritized and important in your union.
For your dates, you can consider going to affordable restaurants together, planning a romantic setting at home, taking long walks, visiting the mall, or even buying thoughtful gifts for one another.
#3. Take responsibility seriously
It’s human nature to want to apportion blame to others when a situation turns sour. However, when it is sweet, we’ll readily blow our horns and take the glory.
When you get married, you let go of the I’s for we’s. This means that when ugly situations come up, you’re both finding solutions and looking to see where you both got it wrong.
Rather than point fingers, you both should accept the parts you played in a situation and move on to make things better.
Even when you’re right, remember to be the partner that always chooses kindness over being right. Remember to be the partner that forgives and uplifts easily, and be willing to seek forgiveness when you offend as well.
Staying married isn’t easy work, and it requires willing partners that see the vision and will put in the required work for a long time. But for some reason, it’s possible that couples will drift away for many reasons on their journeys.
However, identifying the signs that indicate a disinterest in the union is key so that you don’t waste your time or become blindsided when things go sour.
Outside the tips on how to know when your marriage is over discussed here, is there any other tips you would want to share? Kindly share your thoughts below.