There are more levels to every relationship. Despite how much you think you know about your partner, there’s always more to be discovered. In this article, we shall discuss the great ways to deepen your relationship bond. And if you want to deepen your relationship and strengthen your already-strong bond, well, you have to, well, try to deepen your relationship. It’s the trying — the focusing on the little things, the willingness to be vulnerable and offer more of yourself in exchange of more from them — that make it possible.
Love is a beautiful thing, and there’s nothing more amazing than feeling the bond you share with your partner get stronger. If you’re in a happy relationship, you can keep it that way by introducing a few new things into your relationship. Here are evidence-based approaches that will help you enjoy a more fulfilling connection.
- Listen- Listening is a great way to boost intimacy. Make a sincere effort to always listen to your partner, especially when they’re talking about something that relates to your relationship. Listen to understand what they’re saying not just to give a response. This helps your partner feel like you value the relationship and care about them deeply.
- Appreciate your partner- Think about something your partner does that makes your life easier, especially something you view as their responsibility, such as paying their share of the bills. Thank them sincerely for it. This might feel weird since it’s something they should do anyway, but it makes them feel good and your relationship more satisfying. So take 5 minutes to say something like ‘I appreciate you for working hard so you can afford to help pay the bills’ and watch out for the huge smile on their face afterwards.
- Schedule quiet time– In today’s world it’s incredibly hard to focus on one thing. At least once a week, turn off all electronic devices and participate in an activity you both enjoy. You could watch your favorite movie, massage each other, or play a board game. This gives you time to enjoy each other and connect on a deeper level.
- Do random acts of kindness often- Do things that will make your partner feel important and loved often. It can be as simple as making their favorite breakfast, creating a playlist or sending them a love note via email. Research shows that these little ways of showing affection accumulate and have a bigger impact on couple happiness than infrequent grand gestures.
- Show empathy- Always take your partner’s feelings seriously, even when you feel like they’re irrational. When you find it difficult to empathize, take a deep breath and remind yourself that their feelings are important.
- Communicate healthily- Communication is key. Good communication skills help your relationship thrive. This means, asking your partner what they need, and telling them what you need as well. Check in with them regularly to ensure they’re feeling good, and learning to argue in a way that doesn’t hurt your relationship further.
- Increase Your “Bids For Connection”
‘Bids for connection,’ which are based on the research of Dr. John Gottman, refer to reaches for acknowledgement, reassurance, or validation within a relationship. And couples who “turn towards” a bid more often than not are happier and closer for it. “A bid could be a touch of the shoulder while passing in the hallway or a comment like, ‘Wow, look at that goat!’ while driving by a farm,” says therapist Erin Dierickx. “The more often they are offered and received, the more trust, satisfaction, and connection you will experience in your relationship.”
8. Have Check-Ins
More than just a passing “How was your day?” tossed off from the other room, a true check-in with your partner involves distraction-free conversation with the intent to listen. Sit down and have a five-minute check-in each night. Talk about your day, and highlight anything you’d like to talk more about when you have more time. Once a month, Wolfe also suggests a deeper check-in over dinner or coffee. “Try to have this check-in at the same time each month to establish a routine, and plan to discuss how each of you feels about how things are going in the relationship,” says Trisha Wolfe, LPCC. “Is there tension? Are you making progress toward shared goals? What can be improved on for next month?” The goal with check-ins — brief or length — is to stay on top of your relationship so issues don’t fester for weeks, months, or even years.
9. Stay Curious
Not in the sense of snooping around your partner’s unlocked phone or bathroom drawer, but through constant self-reminders that you definitely don’t know everything about them and want to learn more. “Curiosity is the secret sauce in a relationship,” says Harewood. “I’ve seen many couples get caught in the trap of thinking they know all they need to know about their partner, or that they’ve heard it all before. But, things are always changing, both for the individual and the relationship.” Staying curious and asking questions will prop the door for intimacy wide open.
10. Talk About Sex
Couples who communicate about sex have better sex. And couples who have better sex build deeper connections. “Talking openly and directly about sex normalizes these types of conversations,” says Dierick. If this isn’t something you do regularly, start by clarifying why you’d like to talk about sex. Set parameters and clarify your needs by saying something like, ‘It makes me nervous to talk about this, but I really want to better understand what you like in bed. As you explore the conversation, you can bond through understanding your partner and expressing wants and needs. And if you need a push, Dierickx suggests using the Gottman Card Deck app or something similar to facilitate the conversation.
11. Learn A New Hobby Together
Painting. Rock climbing. Bread making. There are hundreds of creative, healthy, exciting hobbies that are better with two people, and bound to create new experiences in your relationship. “When you undertake a new hobby with your partner, you’re sharing an activity that you both enjoy and are both working hard to excel at,” says therapist Kym Tolson. “This gives you a common ground upon which to build conversations, share memories, and do something enjoyable with the person you love.”
12. Practice Active Listening
All successful relationships share a vital ingredient: empathy. “You have to be present and engaged in conversations in order to understand your partner’s perspective and emotions,” says Dr. Adams. “Don’t multitask, or become distracted. Actively listen to your partner so you can communicate effectively to build that deeper connection.” By letting your partner feel seen and heard they’ll also feel understood, and the two of you will be in a better position to discuss issues as partners who trust each other.
13. Set Boundaries
Seems backwards, right? If you’re trying to strengthen a bond, why would you close someone out of a part of your life? Well, according to Harewood, sharing and being vulnerable about boundaries is an exercise in intimacy. “Boundaries deepen intimacy,” she says. “Setting them means we must tell someone what we like, what we don’t like, what’s okay, and what’s not. To set and maintain boundaries, we have to reveal something of ourselves. It’s really the ultimate act of allowing someone to see and know who you are.”
14. Aim For 12 Hugs Each Day.
It’s not just an arbitrary number. According to the research of psychologist and family therapist Virginia Satir, a dozen hugs each day is magic because six seconds of hugging can release oxytocin — the feel-good hormone. “Satir said that four daily hugs is enough for survival, and eight is enough for maintenance,” explains Wolfe. “But 12 hugs each day will contribute to genuine growth between you and your partner. It’s a fun challenge, too, and all of that practice will invariably deepen your bond with each other.
I hope you find this article helpful as well as interesting.
