Table of Contents
- 1 Overcoming genophobia and the fear of sex
- 1.1 1. Find the root problem
- 1.2 2. Understand the symptoms
- 1.3 3. Know there’s no magical, overnight cure
- 1.4 4. Don’t rush it
- 1.5 5. Don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist
- 1.6 6. Talk to your partner
- 1.7 7. Do not accept your anxiety
- 1.8 8. Is it your first time?
- 1.9 9. Don’t follow porn
- 1.10 10. Learn about anatomy
- 1.11 11. Find the right person
Overcoming genophobia and the fear of sex
No one wants to have genophobia and live with the fear of sex… literally no one. But reading this will help. First, know that you’re not alone.
1. Find the root problem
No one simply just develops a fear of sex overnight. Something has to have happened at some point to affect how you feel about yourself, your body, and sex in general. Do you have a past of physical and/or sexual abuse? Are you having self-esteem issues with your body?
To every fear, there is a core – the center which started it all. You need to sit down with yourself and open yourself.
What happened in your past to get you to this point? It may be something that causes the emotional floodgates to open, but stick with it. By getting to the root of the problem, you can start to heal.
2. Understand the symptoms
Maybe you’re not sure if you do have genophobia, the fear of sex. However, with anxiety, comes symptoms. If you’re watching a sex scene in a movie or making out with your partner, try to become aware of your symptoms.
Now, they’re different for everyone, but the main symptoms of genophobia are panic, terror, shortness of breath, increased heartbeat, sweating, crying, avoidance, and shaking.
You could try keeping a journal of how you feel and what is happening around you at the time. That will help you to look for patterns and draw conclusions from there.
3. Know there’s no magical, overnight cure
Like we said before, everyone is different. So, if you think there is just a magical pill to cure this, there’s not. Your recovery from this is greatly tied to the cause of your genophobia. Though, that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to move past this phobia. You will, but it’ll take a while.
If you feel like you’re struggling with a medical problem associated with sexual function, such as erectile dysfunction or vaginismus, seek help from your doctor. Identify the root cause and then assess the best course of action based upon that.
4. Don’t rush it
It’s important to remember that it takes time to overcome fears. Even if you start treatment for the root cause of the problem, you’re not going to suddenly click your fingers and get rid of your fear of sex overnight.
Know that it’s going to take time and make peace with the fact. You’re taking action to face your fear and overcome it, and that’s brave. Know that it’s enough for now and don’t rush yourself.
It’s easy to think “oh, I feel a bit better” and then try and expose yourself to a trigger that would normally cause you to feel anxious. But, if you do that too soon, you’re simply going to end up back at square one and probably feel like your fear-facing route isn’t working. The truth is, it probably is working, you just need to give it a little longer.
5. Don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist
To be honest, if you don’t have a group of support people around you, you won’t be so giving with information. Makes sense, though, this is a delicate topic.
Even if you’re talking to friends and family about your fear of sex, you should also consider consulting a therapist. They’ll be able to look at your issue as a third person and will also have tools for you to use during the treatment.
This is especially the case if you’re struggling with past sexual abuse or rape. These aren’t experiences you can simply block out and get over without a struggle.
A therapist can help you to navigate the emotions you’re experiencing and unpick the experiences that have led you towards your fear of sex. It will be a difficult road but one that will free you from the ghosts of the past.
6. Talk to your partner
If you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s likely your genophobia is causing issues within your relationship. So, you need to talk to them about it.
They may be thinking that your lack of intimacy is because of them. What you need to do is talk to them and ensure them this isn’t because of them. It won’t be easy but if your partner loves you, they’ll listen, understand and support you any way they can.
Don’t be afraid to open up – it’s brave to talk about how you feel and it’s the first step to overcoming genophobia.
7. Do not accept your anxiety
Many people learn to adapt to their anxiety and live their life with it. However, you don’t have to do that.
Anxiety isn’t productive and it won’t allow you to grow as a person. Yes, you have anxiety, however, you should not let that be an acceptable factor in your life.
You also shouldn’t have to live your life without sexual intimacy. It’s an important and fulfilling part of a relationship and by simply accepting your fear as part of your life, you’re missing out on the happiness that a fulfilling sex life with a loving partner can bring. Instead, focus upon overcoming the fear.
8. Is it your first time?
If your fear of sex is simply because you’re still a virgin, well, that’s understandable. Seeing sex in movies is much different than what actually happens in real life – it definitely doesn’t go as smoothly. But really, we’re not saying that to comfort you – sex is messy. Take your time and only go through with it when you’re ready. Talk to your partner and explain how you feel.
A caring and patient partner will make your first experience special, when you decide you’re ready and not a second before.
9. Don’t follow porn
Porn is made to get people off, and for that purpose, it works. But listen, porn isn’t real.
Girls do not normally have breasts like that and men do not have skyscraper-length penises. Don’t allow porn to control your sex life, because porn isn’t real and it will give you unrealistic ideas and expectations.
10. Learn about anatomy
If you’re suffering from genophobia, one way to increase your confidence is to study the human body. Learn where the scrotum, clitoris, testicles, and labia are. Knowing about the body will help you relax since you’re already prepared.
That being said, don’t learn about the human body through pornography, it’s not going to help you. Instead, use medical websites and sources of information that are reliable and realistic.
11. Find the right person
You don’t have to have a one-night stand – you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If you’re trying to let go of your fear of sex, make sure that you are with someone you trust and someone who’ll be able to guide you through it and be patient.
You want to be comfortable and safe with the person you’ll be having sex with. If it means waiting a while for the right person to come along, so be it. You’ll have a much more positive and enjoyable experience as a result.