That was hard but important for me to hear. Of course I want my daughters to know they can come to me. I’m sure you do too. But we can make it incredibly difficult without much effort. Here are 3 ways to make sure your daughter never tells you anything.
1. Call her dramatic.
I’ve got teenage daughters. I know the emotions can run high. But when you roll your eyes or refer to her response as “dramatic,” you communicate that what she’s feeling isn’t legitimate. And just because her feelings are bigger than yours doesn’t mean they are less valid. If you want to make sure your daughter never tells you anything.
2. Laugh at her problems.
If you want to know how to talk to your daughter in a way that ensures she won’t confide in you, be sure to laugh at whatever she shares. Trust me, I know it’s probably not as bad as she thinks it is. And she certainly will need to learn to handle more challenging things along the way. But when you laugh at her, it makes her feel unimportant and as though she is not to be taken seriously. And we avoid people who don’t take us seriously.
3. Be too busy.
We get home late from work, check our email on our phone, plan social events in the evening, and make sure we don’t miss the latest game. None of this invites connection and dialogue. If you want to make sure your daughter never tells you anything, be busy and unavailable.