What to Expect When Dating An Alpha Guy In 2023

Hi Love author, 

This is a curiosity more than a dating advice question. I’ve read several of your posts that suggest that charismatic alpha males do not make good partners. I also read on HuffingtonPost.com a hilariously titled article (in response to the Anthony Weiner scandal), “Should Women Go Ugly?” Again, suggesting that women should steer clear of handsome alpha partners who are quite likely to ultimately let them down. So my question is, what happens to all these true alpha men? Do they marry? Will they remain single forever? If the conventional wisdom is for women to avoid relationships with an alpha male, is it in the alpha male personality to skip the so-called American dream, avoid marriage and children and just bounce from one short-term relationship to another? Or is it possible for such a confident alpha male to create a meaningful long-term relationship? And if so, what type of woman would be able to create a happy life with a dominant man like this? Based on your advice and that of others I’ve read, it seems that no woman should attempt to deal with these men.

— blessing

Right before I got married, I turned for relationship advice to Dr. Pat Allen, therapist, Los Angeles legend, and author of “Getting to I Do”.

Back then, Pat was probably 75 years old and delightfully curmudgeonly. She lived in a very black and white world and had a bunch of catchy aphorisms that she trotted out when she saw common dating dynamics — especially for women with an excess of masculine energy. I turned to her because we’d met on a panel once before and because I respected her confidence, experience, and wisdom.

I told her that I wasn’t sure that I felt what I was supposed to feel for the woman to whom I was considering proposing. I didn’t have that obsessive, breathless, “I must have you” sentiment. I didn’t miss her madly when she went on a business trip. I was just plain happy — in a healthy, fun, nurturing, supportive relationship that had no obvious flaws apart from what was buzzing through my head: “I don’t have the FEELING I think I should have!”

Pat asked me: “Are you a career man or a man with a career?” (This is one of those aphorisms.) I told her that my career was not just a job, but kind of a calling. Thus, she determined that I was a career man. She told me that, as a career man, since my job would come first, I could get married and be perfectly content, but I’d always be longing for more. She finally concluded that, based on my profile and personality, I would probably cheat on my wife a few times.

And that was our session.

About the Author

A prolific love author who specializes in creating love stories often focused on the romantic connections between people which readers can identify with.