The first comment was: “Why show a man I liked him if I wasn’t interested?!”
You can see my point.
I get why “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” groups exist. I have several clients who spend time there, vetting their men as if they were government agencies running background checks on potential employees. To be sure, some of these women have struck gold. Witness this online commentary that my client, Jessica, discovered about a man she’d gone out with twice.
“If you look up sociopath, he fits the description perfectly, with a healthy side of narcissism. He starts by love bombing. He’s charming to the extreme and will promise you the world with no intention of following through with anything he says. If his lips are moving, he’s lying. He has a good resume. He will introduce you to his family and when he turns on you, he will tell his family lies so they think you’re insane.”
Presuming that’s true, this is a bullet dodged.
Then again, another client, Amy, posted this comment about a different guy.
“I went on Are We Dating the Same Guy – Chicago and my guy was on there! 3 women were saying he plans great dates but in between dates, he doesn’t communicate except when making another date. A few of the women have dated him for 3 months and nothing changed.”
As a dating coach, I tell women to pay attention to how a man behaves in between dates, not just on the dates. If a guy doesn’t step up to become your boyfriend in the first 6 weeks or so, he’s probably not going to. By that token, this man’s behavior suggests he’s not likely to become Amy’s future partner.
But has he done anything wrong? Illegal? Unethical? Untoward? Are we now policing a man’s right to casually date in private?
If we reversed the roles, would any woman want to be outed publicly because she didn’t want to be in a relationship with any given man?
What if she was on the rebound and was unsure if she was ready for the level of commitment required to be a girlfriend? Nope. The only reason for not committing or making an effort is because you’re selfish, narcissistic, and avoidant – and must be pilloried with your name and face visible to anyone in one of these Facebook groups.
Listen, I get why women are fearful when it comes to dating. You can’t do my job and gloss over the awful stories about men who lie, men who ghost, and men who seem solid on paper but turn out to be awful human beings. In theory, if there were an objective way to rate men’s dating behaviors and motives, it would be a great public service.
The problem is that there’s not.
In theory, if there were an objective way to rate men’s dating behaviors and motives, it would be a great public service.
The problem is that there’s not.
