When we ask the question, can a sexless marriage survive, aren’t we basing something as serious as marriage on the mere joining of physical parts? Shouldn’t there be more important factors apart from sex that connect couples and keep them together for a long time?
Plus, it’s not like couples will spend all their years together having sex. There’ll be childbearing, bills, a decline in strength and libido, and other marital issues that’ll prevent them from always having sex. So, what’s the fuss about sex in marriage?
However, as you’ll find out in subsequent paragraphs, sex transcends the mere joining of physical parts. It is such an important factor that the lack of it in marriage exposes you both to the dangers of a sexless marriage and can result in marriage failure.
Except you’ve both decided not to be into each other anymore or have agreed to an open marriage; if not, keep reading to see why sex is important and how to restore intimacy in your marriage.
Can a Sexless Marriage Survive and Why is Sex Important in Marriage?
#1. Sex helps couples stay focused on each other
The times we’re in are filled with so many distractions and pressures. There’s social media, marriage routine, the kids, bills, extended families, emotional needs, and unrelenting advances from the opposite sex to worry about in your marriage. Hence, your position is almost always on the defensive to protect your marriage.
However, with sex, you put your marriage in anticipation of these pressures and distractions. You’re connecting with your partner in a physical and emotional way, building intimacy, and communicating the care and emotions you have no words for.
With sex, you’re not only pleasuring your partner, but you’re also reminding them that at the end of the day, it’s the both of you against the world. There’s a reminder that your partner is your home, all you’ve got, and that you made a promise to be with them for the rest of your life.
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#2. Sex can help keep couples together for a long time
Sex is an important part of marriage. This is why it’s not out of place to see many people use it as the defining factor and primary reason for getting married.
In the early stage of your marriage, it’s no surprise that love and attraction play roles in keeping your marriage together. But over time, as you’ve learned what makes each of you tick, sex becomes the significant tool that keeps you both together and helps to ensure longevity in your marriage.
Sex also opens the both of you up in a way that helps you and your partner be vulnerable enough to have difficult conversations and to maintain excitement and intensity.
#3. Sex helps couples address their issues better
Being deliberate about vulnerability in marriage can take time. It has a lot in relation to ego that can get bruised easily. (Bruised egos have led people to take rash and harmful decisions that affect their relationships).
For many reasons, partners can lock up and not want to deal with issues in their marriage. It could be that they weren’t comfortable with how a partner addressed an issue they brought up; maybe there was a lot of yelling; or one partner zones out during conversations and exhibits signs of being unwilling to thrash out issues.
When you are on the receiving end of any of these for some time, it’s normal to lock up and hold back. It is your way of hiding, not getting hurt, and being made to look stupid.
However, with sex, you make vulnerability easy for you and your partner, such that you’re softened enough to have those difficult conversations. It’s like calling a truce and helping yourself to be more loving and constructive when you’re thrashing out your issues.
You’re communicating better and effectively, taking out the power struggles from the equation, reenacting intimacy, and rekindling your romance and trust even amid your struggles together.
#5. Sex helps couples unwind
With the pressures you face outside the home, it’s just normal that you want to come home, unwind and forget about everything outside your home.
With sex, you can release pent-up emotions, communicate better, be vulnerable, and deal with stress better. The result is feeling relaxed, equipped to take on the world the next day, and bonding with your partner even more.
There’s also the part where sex is a good workout that helps you relax your nerves, rest easy, increase self-confidence, boost the immune system, improve the heart’s health, help with memory, and induce deeper and better sleep.
For married people, finding a work-life balance can be tricky. It’s mostly natural to feel even tensed at home. However, one way to break the ice and enjoy each other’s company is through sex.
Tips for fixing intimacy issues in marriage
Now that we’ve thrashed out the question, can a sexless marriage survive? What are some tips for fixing intimacy issues in marriage?
#1. Rebuild your emotional connection
When you’re not connecting emotionally, coming together to have sex can prove difficult.
At the end of the day, you don’t want to feel like it’s just physical release or mere body parts joining when you both have sex. You don’t want the sex to be empty or meaningless, and you want to exist in an emotional state that has your partner on the same wavelength as you.
Hence, it is important to rebuild your emotional connection.
Try to ask yourself what activities helped you both connect in the past. Specifically, what activities outside the bedroom fostered intimacy and closeness for you both. Then be deliberate about reliving them.
Spend more time together, go out on dates, find new activities to do together, speak your partner’s love language regularly, and be open about your feelings and intentions for the future.
#2. Be more affectionate
Your partner wants to feel loved outside of the bedroom. They want to feel your affection for them as a person, dependent and independent of your marriage.
They want you to still listen to them rant about any and everything. And they want you to hold their hands even when it’s obvious that they’ve messed up. They want to sit with you and feel comfortable even when you’re both silents. They want to know that you still think of them as a priority.
Being more affectionate also involves words of appreciation. They want to know that you see the little and big things they do to make your lives better together. They want to know that they’re ‘still doing it for you.
#3. Be more deliberate
Ask yourself if your partner likes to have sex at a specific time. Can you remember any previous complaints that prevented sex in the past? Do you need to lookup sex tips and positions to make it better for both of you?
These questions can help you be more deliberate about your sex life. This way, you know what to do to look more appealing and eager to go down with your partner sexually.
Plus, when you plan ahead, the chances of failing drastically reduce. You put yourself in that headspace ahead of the action, and it just makes it easier to go down when it’s time.
#4. Take out the timetable
After a while in marriage, routine can creep in. Such that you’re doing the same things over and over again. There’s no more spontaneity, and partners aren’t putting in efforts to wow each other anymore.
At this point, it won’t be surprising if the sex is also occurring according to a particular model and timetable.
You can only have sex in the bedroom; there’s no exploring other places in your apartment; it has to happen at night only; the lights should always be turned off; the sex should last for a certain time.
Restoring intimacy in the marriage will involve yanking off the timetable or sex pattern model and finding ways to be more spontaneous, honest, and deliberate about sex.
#5. Consider speaking to a therapist
Can a sexless marriage survive? I doubt it. If you aren’t enjoying sex in your marriage, you can see a therapist.
Going to see a sex or marriage therapist doesn’t mean that your marriage is the worst one out there or that there’s almost no hope for the both of you being together for the long haul anymore.
Speaking to a therapist can help you unpack issues that you’re now unable to talk about because you’ve lost that connection and don’t feel the need to be vulnerable with each other anymore.
It can help you thrash out why your mind won’t stop wandering during sex; why one partner has to initiate sex all the time; if anyone feels body-shamed; why one partner has stopped putting in the effort to look good and appealing; how the sex is now painful or unsatisfactory; etc.
This way, you’re sorting your emotional issues and looking to see if there’s a need to seek medical help as well.
Word of Advice
A therapist can also help you both overcome your fears and feelings of not wanting to be vulnerable with one another so that you people can learn to communicate effectively in the future.
Can a sexless marriage survive? You’re now in the know of why sex is super important for married couples and how the lack of it can even lead to failed marriages.
And when you eventually meet roadblocks along the way, our tips for fixing intimacy issues in marriage can help you keep the ball rolling again and for a long time.