Table of Contents
Are We a Match? 5 Signs You Might Be Suited for Each Other
1. What’s Your EQ?
Do you have a sense of your emotional intelligence quotient (EQ) and the amount of EQ you’re looking for in someone else?
You often fixate on what you need in someone else versus what you need in yourself to find your person.
Emotional intelligence refers to more than your ability to get all googly-eyed with someone.
Think of EQ as being emotionally in check, combining both heart and head in the quest for love and in your daily interactions with your partner.
Your potential partner also needs to have a similar level of emotional intelligence for you to be a good match partner.
Both of you should take an emotional intelligence testto see how you compare — and where you don’t match up.
2. Do You Have a Handle on Your Stuff?
When you fall in love, your “stuff” still moves with you between relationships. Some people call this personal baggage, which includes your past wounds, previous relationships, hang-ups, habits, and patterns.
Revisit your wounds from childhood and past relationships. Old emotional scars can still rear their painful heads when you least expect them to, even when you think you’ve moved on.
As you get to know someone new, you don’t want to be triggered by something innocuous your new lover says or does because you haven’t addressed this baggage.
Acknowledge the issues you tend to carry from relationship to relationship. A major step in getting a handle on your stuff is being aware of it.
But also work on developing a growth mindset by recognizing patterns and behaviors you have that negatively impact your well-being and the quality of your relationships.
Of course, this self-awareness and growth mindset goes both ways for match relationship.
Your partner should also be aware of their own stuff and actively take steps toward dealing with it as well.
It only takes one emotionally toxic person in a relationship to sabotage your connection.
A couple who are more grounded and stable can be there for each other and quickly address emotional triggers before they undermine the relationship.
3. You Pay Attention to Each Other’s Love Languages
Marriage counselor and author Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the book, The 5 Love Languages ;The Secret to Lover That Lasts.
These love languages are the five ways we tend to express and experience love, and they include:
How do you need to be supported and cherished? What about your partner?
Being a good match doesn’t require that you both have the same love language, but rather that you are both willing to offer your partner the kind of love he or she desires.
You are both deeply curious about what makes the other feel safe, secure, respected, and adored.
It also means that you both are proactive in communicating what your love language is and the specific ways you prefer to receive this love.
4. Rethinking Life Values
What you think is important and necessary when you’re 10 or 21 will be far different when you’re 30 and 41.
What are your guiding principles? What are your essential life values?
For a relationship to be a good match, you and your partner should share many, if not most, of your personal and relationship values.
If you don’t know your own core values or your partner’s, it’s essential to define them so you don’t discover down the road that you and your partner don’t see eye to eye on some critical things.
- Do you and your partner place a high value on family and want to have several children?
- Are you both on the same page regarding child-rearing philosophies?
- Do you share the same religious or spiritual beliefs, and do you think this is necessary for a committed relationship?
- Do you prioritize experiences and adventure over spending on material things? Does your partner feel the same?
- What about the values you need in a partnership — like mutual respect, quality time together, and equal division of labor?
- Do you support, respect, and admire each other’s work and the value you both place on what you do?
When you’re in the infatuation stage of relationship, you’re not focused on whether or not the two of you share the same values. But you can save yourself a lot of heartache by figuring this out early on.
Be sure you don’t pretend to change your values to match your partner’s because you want things to work out so badly.
Eventually, this will cause resentment and friction in your relationship. Your best match is someone who shares your values and how you choose to live them.
5. Don’t Knock Chemistry
At some point, you’ll meet a significant other that appears to check all the boxes. They’re attractive, funny, respectful, listen to you, and share your values — but something is off.
The butterflies you’re supposed to feel when you’re around them aren’t fluttering, even though this person checks all the boxes. Really, Mother Nature!?
Don’t knock chemistry because it matters. According to biotechnology company Instant Chemistry, your genes determine 40 percent of physical attraction toward a partner.
They believe there are three measures of compatibility for a perfect match love: biocompatibility, neurocompatibility, and psychological compatibility
Your biological programming makes you feel that instant spark when they brush by you, or your eyes meet across the room.
Instant Chemistry also reports that those who connect on this level go on to experience more fulfilling sex lives, higher fertility, and better personal satisfaction in their relationships.
Don’t dismiss chemistry or the lack thereof immediately when looking at relationship harmony.
By all means, give your date a second try — they may be super nervous, and that reflects their actions and behavior, too.
Still not feeling the spark? It may be time to move on.
