Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but only if you nurture it properly.
When apart, a lack of effort and attention can quickly corrode intimacy.
To avoid a slow death by distance, beware of these 11 insidious relationship killers that can stealthily sabotage couples living miles away.
Table of Contents
- 1 1. Not Making Quality Time for Your Partner
- 2 2. Holding Grudges and Keeping Score
- 3 3. Lacking Meaningful Communication
- 4 4. Downplaying Jealousy and Insecurity
- 5 5. Letting Attachment and Passion Fade
- 6 6. Not Making Reunions Special
- 7 7. Neglecting Shared Goals and Dreams
- 8 8. Failing to Compromise and Sacrifice
- 9 9. Losing Your Independent Identity
- 10 10. Stopping Small Acts of Kindness and Affection
- 11 11. Failing to Appreciate What You Have
1. Not Making Quality Time for Your Partner
Failing to prioritize one-on-one time with your partner is one of the quickest ways to starve a long-distance relationship. Life gets busy, and schedules fill up, but you must create space for meaningful connection. Don’t just go through the motions on a quick phone call – plan video dates and be fully present.
Ask questions, be an engaged listener, and make your partner feel valued. Quality conversations are the lifeblood of maintaining closeness from afar. Make date nights and undivided attention non-negotiable, not just occasional luxuries.
2. Holding Grudges and Keeping Score
When you don’t see each other often, little frustrations can fester into major wounds if left unaddressed. Don’t let minor annoyances or disagreements escalate into lingering resentment. If your partner does something that bothers you, communicate openly but gently. Don’t attack their character over a single action.
Similarly, don’t tally up their flaws or missteps and wield them as ammunition later. Assume positive intent and extend grace, apologizing sincerely when you fall short. A giving spirit of forgiveness helps love flourish.
3. Lacking Meaningful Communication
Just talking often isn’t enough – you must connect deeply. Avoid surface-level conversations about mundane logistics and dig deeper. Share dreams, fears, hopes, and vulnerabilities. Discuss meaningful topics, not just day-to-day minutiae.
Ask thoughtful questions and really listen without distractions. Video chats are ideal for reading facial cues and body language that convey emotion. If the tone gets lost over text, call instead of over-analyzing. Don’t hide feelings or sweep issues under the rug. Honest, heartfelt communication is oxygen for long distance love.
4. Downplaying Jealousy and Insecurity
It’s normal to feel occasional jealousy when your partner has a separate social life. But don’t let suspicion fester; voice your feelings calmly, without accusation. Likewise, acknowledge your partner’s anxieties and provide appropriate reassurance. Insecurity triggers some controlling behaviors, but resist the urge to monitor your partner excessively.
Instead, focus on building trust. Share passwords freely, make introductions, and establish boundaries together. Feeling jealous or defensive sometimes is fine, but talk it out and don’t make it bigger than it is.
5. Letting Attachment and Passion Fade
Physical separation can cool the closeness, so rekindle your passion purposefully. Surprise your partner with filrtatious and spicy video chats. Mail sweet notes, care packages, and playful gifts to show you’re thinking of them. Revisit memories of favorite dates and places together.
When reunited after an absence, prioritize couple time: take a romantic, enjoy long evenings in, and devote yourself fully to reconnecting. Don’t take your physical bond for granted just because you see each other less frequently. Make your partner feel desired.
6. Not Making Reunions Special
After counting down the days till you’re finally together again, it’s tempting to dive right back into separate routines when reunited. Avoid the trap of failing to celebrate reunions. Plan activities you’ll both enjoy and soak up uninterrupted time together.
Take off work, get a sitter for the kids, and leave daily stresses behind. At the airport, greet your partner with enthusiasm, not just a quick peck before shuffling off. To preserve the magic of reunions, protect your time as a couple and appreciate every shared moment. Absence should make your heart grow fonder, not accustomed to disconnection.
It’s easy to live separate lives across distance but resist the drift. Maintain a sense of purpose and future as a couple. Discuss shared goals, and collaborate on plans while nurturing a collective vision.
Make decisions jointly around career moves, financial goals, family planning, and more. When apart, redundancy and lack of direction corrode relationships. But when you pilot your futures together, it gives meaning to the present separation. Keep your eyes on the horizon you’ll reach, not the space between.
8. Failing to Compromise and Sacrifice
With conflicting needs across distances, compromise is essential. Don’t let selfishness rule by refusing to accommodate your partner’s situation. Be flexible and willing to sacrifice sometimes, whether it’s traveling more or relocating eventually. Bend so the relationship doesn’t break.
Of course, you deserve fairness and consideration, too – find a balance of give and take. But keep an open, understanding attitude focused on the greater good, not just your own wishes. With teamwork, you can navigate challenges.
9. Losing Your Independent Identity
It’s tempting to define yourself solely through your relationship when separated. But neglecting your own growth is unhealthy long-term. Nurture diverse friendships, pursue personal goals, and develop your individual interests.
Bring your own richness to the relationship through activities outside of it. You’ll have more to share and discuss. Your partner fell for you, not a needy shadow of you. Maintain your charming autonomy while still prioritizing the relationship.
10. Stopping Small Acts of Kindness and Affection
Don’t reserve kindness just for unstable times or reunions. Continue small acts of daily affection during the uneventful in-between times too. Surprise your partner with sweet notes, care packages, spontaneous video calls, etc.
Share funny memes, recommend a favorite song, or just say you’re thinking of them. Don’t withhold supportive gestures until it’s make-or-break. The little things that say “you’re loved” during mundane weeks count double across distance. Thoughtfulness anytime maintains bonds.
11. Failing to Appreciate What You Have
Absence comes with sacrifice, but don’t dwell only on the hardship. Refocus regularly on the blessings. Appreciate your partner’s commitment despite challenges. Be grateful you have someone worth the extra effort for.
Recognize that you get to fall in love all over again upon every reunion. Not everyone finds a love worth preserving across distance and time. When you start taking it for granted, recall how lucky you are to have found an extraordinary love. What you nurture can outlast any mileage.